Something indescribable

Love and loss (part 2)

So my 18th was rolling in all my local friends where there and at this point me and my friend regularly texted and messaged (Facebook) each other, as I would be busy for the day I texted her and told her why I wouldn’t be responding, she wished me a happy birthday and said to have fun. Mum had a surprise guest for me and I thought about it far to much, to the point that I was convinced it was a girl I knew from when I was 8. Can you imagine my surprise when mum went to get my cake and came back with my friend and her nan? (And no cake lol) my 18th was the best party I have ever had. for but the briefest of moments I knew what it felt like to be normal, there was the occasional ruff housing that lasted just long enough, every face I had fitted into my possible daily plans was there and most importantly of all I was able to talk to groups of people and not feel anxious, words can’t describe the feeling of my joy that day.

My local friends got on perfectly with my online friend. she was funny, interesting basically the exact same person I had talked to online but I was able to see her facial expressions and finally give her a long awaited hug she was a lot shorter then her avatar though and her hair smelled of strawberries a fact I was quick to point out two seconds after we met in person for the 1st time, she laughed. It wasn’t a facade she accepted me online and in person, for the brief time she was there we revelled in each other’s company. fortunately she stayed for a couple days more after my party, which gave us more time together. We parted in real life but still kept talking online.

Almost 2 years later on New Year’s Eve we sorted out another visit (yea her mother is Awsome) and it happened again, I felt normal. My amazing friend nick his Awsome sister Emily and there truly wonderful mother and father Garry and  Libby where there, my clan was there too. We planed to spend our New Years at river wood downs a lovely little place not far from my home town

I remember just before the countdown to midnight I song I requested earlier at the beginning of the night finally played soulja boy, crank that. I had a whole routine for this song but little did I know em nick and my Awsome online friend where all following my lead in what looked like perfect synchronisation. to my surprise everybody was watching us but it felt nice.

As the party ended and we went to the tent that nick and his family had brought down we sorted the sleeping arrangements out the tent was split with a walk area and 2 rooms. My New Years resolution was to create a better me, took me more then a year but I am still keeping that promise to myself. I had decided to ask my friend out, I never got how these things worked but I liked her and she had some sort of spark in her eyes around me (hard to explain) so we all lied down we didn’t snuggle but we mentally fought over the very middle of our room in the tent we talked for about a hour in hushed voices then I asked her I looked into her eyes she looked into mine and she said yes. Simple thing no? Yea it was but I will always remember the way the blanket masked her lower face and how her eyes darted away from mine for a split second and how they held something in them, I don’t know what it was only she could know that. I hugged her and felt a overwhelming joy. we made a promise to each other that would have more impact then I think we both thought it ever would, we promised we would keep our friendship if it didn’t work out.

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This entry was posted in Autism, Family, Love and Relationships, Flashback Friday with The Mind Of Autism. Bookmark the permalink.

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